A heavy heart

My heart is still heavy over the death of Junior Seau. The pain he was feeling must have been so overwhelming. I can remember feeling as though it didn't matter if I was alive or dead; feeling as though I was so insignificant. And that feeling perpetuates lonliness, even to the point where its easy to stay in bed for a day, or two or three. I am thankful I was able to escape from the prison of depression. Someone posted that they hard a hard time understanding how someone that "has it all" could talk thier own life. What is "having it all?" And if you "have it all" are you always happy? I think "being happy" is over-rated. Because I am not over-the-top, outwardly "happy", doesn't mean I am not content. It's OK for me to not be bouncing with joy; I can just chill and be me and still have it all. Having it all to me is: * Having Emily for my daughter * Smelling lilacs when I walk out the door * Hearing the frogs when I lie in bed at night * Being married to Mark * Being able to hike and run and sweat * Being kissed by my dog What do all those things have in common? They don't require money. They don't even have a price. I wanted to believe that monetary things weren't that important but they were. Having the approval of others, was also high on my list although I didn't recognize it or want to believe it. It took 50 years and a severe depressive episode to change my list and live it everyday. I wish Junior could have stopped to smell the roses, literally, and been able to appreciate it. What does having it all mean to you? Have you smelled a rose lately? My heart is a little less heavy